Woman's Dad Invites Several Extra People to Her Wedding Without Her Permission, She Gives Ultimatum: 'Uninvite them or pay for them.'

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  • 01
    r/weddingshaming u/ConsciousAd3109. 1d My dad invited extra people to my wedding and blamed me for it
  • 02
    Let me start by saying that my dad is both proud and envious of me. I've worked hard to get where I am, and he's struggling to cope with that. I'm just beginning to realize this myself. When I traveled far to see him, his first words were, "I got a new phone, and it's newer than yours." Okay... and? Not even a single "Hi" or "How are you?" Now, to the story.
  • 03
    I live in a different country, and my dad loves to visit relatives and chat with them. He asked to hand- deliver the wedding invites, so I made the huge mistake of giving him the invites (no extras, just the exact number needed) to send to a list of relatives | had made. Communicating with relatives this way has always been his method, so no red flags here. Plus, my lack of time to visit their country made me think this was a great idea: a win win.
  • 04
    A few weeks later, he messaged me asking for a PDF version of the invite because one of the relatives lives two hours away, and he wasn't planning to hand-deliver it. I asked, "Why don't you just drop it off at the post office?" He replied that he was chatting with this relative on WhatsApp and that it would be easier and quicker that way. Naively, I complied.
  • 05
    When I returned to my home country, within the first few hours of being back, I learned that he disregarded my list and sent the PDF version of the invite to EVERY SINGLE RELATIVE, including people I have never even met. Why? Because, in his words, "I can't possibly go to X relative and not Y relative, that's not the right way to do things." I was in disbelief and speechless. He then proceeded to show me a message, claiming, "It's your fault, you told me to do this."
  • 06
    You guys. The message in question was him asking if I wanted my cousins there. I answered, "Absolutely, I already counted them," and he used that as an excuse to invite all of HIS second and third cousins. The fact that both my mother (they're divorced by the way) and I sent him the list of people 4 TIMES, and he still did whatever he wanted, then blamed me for saying I wanted my cousins there, is WILD.
  • 07
    I explained to him that: 1. It's not his wedding. 2. He's not paying for it, so he doesn't get to decide to invite extra people I've never even met. But, if those people RSVP'd, he would absolutely need to pay for each one of them. 3. He was being extremely defensive over completely BS excuses, and I wanted an apology for his actions. He kept repeating that it's bad behavior to invite some relatives and not others and that I had agreed to invite the cousins. I said, "MY cousins, who were already
  • 08
    After asking 5/6 times for an apology, he finally gave in, but it was definitely not heartfelt or sincere. He said something along the lines of, "I might have done something wrong, sorry." I left it there because he has anger issues, and I didn't want to escalate things and add more stress to my plate. Plus, the RSVP deadline was soon, and none of them had replied, so I figured no one would at that point.
  • 09
    Well, the RSVP deadline is tomorrow, and two of his extra relatives have replied. I let him know about these two extra people, and his response was, "Uninvite them then." He created this issue. I don't know these people, don't have their numbers, they're not on social media, and I don't even live in that country anymore. Yet, he's making it my problem. The urge to go no contact and never see him again is strong, and I am RAGING. 1,470 146 Д
  • 10
    TenebrousSunshine • 1d This would infuriate me to no end. I'd tell him to uninvited all the extras, or HE would no longer be invited. I have very little patience for boundary stompers ... Reply 1.6k
  • 11
    violetlisa 1d . And that only people on the guest list will be allowed into the wedding. Not on the list? Turned away at the door. 365
  • 12
    ConsciousAd3109 OP. 1d That's pretty much the ultimatum I gave him, either: • pay for them • uninvite them • or they can take your space Do you know when you're so furious you can't even show it anymore? I think I'm at the dissociative stage. ... 253
  • 13
    DRHdez. 1d "Dad, call up all the people that were not on the list and tell them they're not invited, or you can skip the wedding" I'm afraid that you'll still get a bunch of people that didn't even RSVP because they're not used to it. Reply 493
  • 14
    ConsciousAd3109 OP 1d • That's my biggest fear. But in a petty way, I would love to see that scene unfolding. I told my wedding planner about the situation and that if extra people show up to bluntly tell them what my dad did. 178
  • 15
    0x633546a298e734700b. 1d My mother was trying to push her sister, my aunt, to get an invite. I hate my aunt. I told her that if she wanted her there then she is welcome to give up her place at my wedding. That stopped it. Tell your dad that he just gave up his invite to these people unless he un invites them Reply 116
  • 16
    drunkenwaffle2721 • 1d Straight up tell them that your father decided not to respect you guest list that was small and you don't have space for them. Honestly uninvite your father aswell. He doesn't respect you and if he can pull this , imagine what he could do at the wedding. Don't let him see any details about vendors or venues, he WILL mess with it. Goodluck at your wedding, I hope it's everything you wished for<3 Reply 208
  • 17
    Conscious-Survey7009 • 1d Yeah, it's time to go no contact with him especially if you know he has anger issues. It will definitely reduce the stress in your life. Parents should be supportive of their children, not jealous and try to one up them every time they see or talk to them. As for the guests flat out tell them you don't know who they are and that they are not on your guest list and that they need to speak to whoever invited them to find out how they got an invitation. That throws it back
  • 18
    kg51113.1d My former mother-in-law gave us a list. We never guaranteed that her list would be invited. She remained close with a part of her ex-husband's family that he didn't speak to. A bunch of them were on the list.
  • 19
    When my ex asked about a few of the names that were unfamiliar, she acted like they were people he saw weekly. She said well these people (pointed to multiple names) are all siblings. They're all family. You can't invite one and not the others. Imagine our surprise to learn a couple years later at a funeral that one family had 4 siblings and only 2 had been included on my mother-in-law's list! "What happened to not leaving out siblings?" ... Reply û 17 ♡
  • 20
    yachtiewannabe • 1d You know what else? Those extra people might now feel obligated to get you a gift and make you look bad. What an awful position he put you in. I'm sorry. If it's only them, I would just plan for them to come and extend them every courtesy so they feel welcome, and then, for the next five years, send my dad a card saying his gift is that his extra relatives came and you still let him come too. Is this healthy? No. Would it feel good? Probably. Reply û 31 ♡ ☆
  • 21
    scout336 1d • IMPORTANT: Other people he invited may try to just 'show up'! Reach out to the ones who RSVP'd & they may tell the others NOT to come. Perhaps tell those people your dad invited & RSVP'd that: 1. you have a strict budget & only invited people YOU KNOW, 2. your dad chose invited them on his own, 3. your dad now REFUSES to pay for them, 4. You are forced to tell them not to attend as a result. Best wishes on your marriage! Reply 10
  • 22
    ConsciousAd3109 OP. 1d This is my biggest fear. I asked to RSVP by tomorrow and even if they were to show up, whether this happened or not, the restaurant wouldn't be able to accommodate more people out of the blue. How common is it for people to show up when they haven't given a response to the invite? ... 9 3
  • 23
    rennypen 1d • I had 3 couples show up without an rsvp. It was incredibly awkward as the sit down dinner was at capacity. Hopefully if it's a destination wedding for them it'll be less likely that you won't know...

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